2011 Elmhurst College Commencement Address

On this joyous occasion, thank you President Ray, distinguished faculty,
trustees, staff, alums, loving parents, family members, friends, and the fabulous
class of 2011. Thank you for the invitation to share in your celebration. On this
fabulous day, I greet you:

- The board of trustees of Elmhurst College – you are doing crucial work –
you have taken bold strides in the last few years and your investment is paying
off. Look at this fabulous class.
- President Ray – you are creating a bright future for this school – and for
higher education – and I applaud what is happening at Elmhurst College and
take courage in your courage and strength
- The faculty – I recognize today your crucial work in the rigorous academic
preparation of the graduating students we see before us today
- Family members and friends – those who have supported and supported
and supported this group of graduates. Graduates – you know, don’t you, that
you would not be here without all these folks!
- And special greetings to you, the one and only class of 2011 of Elmhurst
College. I celebrate each and every one of you – your hard work, your living
of life here at Elmhurst, your many accomplishments – congratulations.

It is good to be with you.

I am profoundly honored to receive this honorary degree today. I am
proud of what you are doing here at Elmhurst - providing a rigorous education
in a community of learners, preparing your students for meaningful lives in this
ever-changing world – building bridges that inspire others to build bridges – and
you do so with class. So I am proud – and now I can officially claim to be a part of that work.

And I am delighted to have the opportunity to give your commencement
address. Since I received the invitation quite some time ago, I’ve been thinking
about it for a while – about 8 months. I’ve had time to check in with other folks
about commencement addresses.

You see – at first I thought I was the only one who did not remember the commencement address from my college graduation.
But I am not the only one by a long shot. A few people remembered but most
people have no idea who gave their commencement address or what they said!
And so – I take that to heart. That means a couple of things for you. I know
you have to sit here and listen to me because you cannot graduate until I finish
speaking. And – I promise not to torture you with a long commencement speech.
And since it is going to be on the short side – I’m hoping you’ll remember – not
me – you do not have to remember my name or who I am – but I hope something I say will have a particular meaning for you – and that you might remember it – at least for a while.

What I have to say is for you – who will be graduating today.
Some of you have always known what you want to do after college since
the day you were born. And you are now on your way to do it. For how many
of you is that the case? Raise your hands. Hmm…. (I always wanted to be like
that! But I wasn’t!) And then there are many more of you who haven’t always
known what you are going to do after college – and may not even know today.
Am I right?

And I know you have braced yourself at every family gathering for
the last nine months because you know this question is coming – what are you
going to do when you graduate? And, because you’ve had the question so many
times, and because you generally like (and probably love) the people who are
asking you the question – you try not to scream I DON’T KNOW!!!! And I don’t
want any more advice! And I’m trying to figure it out! And I know you are worried about me – I am wondering myself! And and and…. Well – if I am describing what you are experiencing – know this—this is not the only time in your life you will be uncertain.

Life always has some measure of uncertainty. You will never get to the point where you have every single thing figured out – and wouldn’t life
be boring if that happened! So become friends with uncertainty!

Whether you are certain or not—here’s what I need to say to you. Have
a ball! That’s right – I said it – have a ball! Now before all you parents panic – I
am not telling these graduates to go out and party life away. There is a point to
Having a BALL. And I’ll explain! I’m asking you to have a ball because I want
you to use the four letters of the word to think about four points of reference for
your life. (A little corny but it works.) BE, ACT, LIVE, and LOVE. So – today –
those of you who know what you want to do with your life – AND – those of you
who don’t know what you want to do with your life – Go out and have a BALL!

First point: BE! Be fully alive. When my oldest son, Carl, was four years
old. I took him to a water park. I thought he’d want to play in the cute little pool
with the merry-go-round and stand under the gently sprinkling umbrella – and
maybe even dare to venture into the wave pool. But – oh no – he wanted to go
– with mommy – down the humongous – curvy – steep – slippery – scary water
slide. “No honey – that is for big people.” “Come on mommy – please – please.”
Well – we did it. I thought that would cure him for sure – that he’d be quivering
with fear – and that he’d learn a big lesson! I girded myself to help him overcome
the psychological difficulties. When we got to the bottom – I conscientiously
bent down and said – as the ‘perfect’ parent setting a good example of naming
my feelings and fears – “Honey – for me that was very scary and only a little
fun.” He looked up at me and smile – “Oh no mommy – that was a little scary
and a lot fun!!!” My point is this – step out and live life – live fully! Be fully alive!

Don’t live out of fear. How do you BE fully alive? You be your whole self. Feel
what you feel – all of it – the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly, your
accomplishments, your mistakes – your whole self. When you are fully alive, you don’t have time to be lazy. You are too busy living. You are smack-dab in the
middle of life. The late Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Be fully alive.

Point number two: ACT. Act with personal integrity. Sometimes this is
hard to do. We live in a world where all sorts of people want to tell you who you
should be. You should be skinny. You should be tall. You should do X, Y, and
Z if you want to be successful. And there is a particular definition of “successful”
to go along. You should live by these rules. You should dress in this way. What
I need to say to you is this – you can live by someone else’s rules of integrity –
but it will never quite work for you.

You must have your own, fully developed sense of integrity. Trust yourself. Be true to yourself. Now, of course, being true to yourself means you have to know yourself. You have to be self-reflective. You have to be honest with yourself. You really do not have to be honest with anyone else – but you should be honest with yourself.

Know what you believe. Be careful about your core assumptions – because you act out of your core assumptions about life. Take for example the widely spread notion that the rapture was coming last Saturday. A friend of mine got in a conversation with a friend of hers who adamantly tried to convince her that the world was going to
end on the 21st. Finally he backed down when she said to him – “Well, OK, since
you believe the world is coming to an end on the 21st, let’s go to your bank and
transfer everything in your account to mine!” Know what you believe, what you
assume to be true. Know yourself. Then, you can trust your instincts. You can
trust your questions.

Grow your questions. And when you understand your own truth – know that is your truth for yourself, right now. Listen to yourself. Don’t let your inner voice be drowned out by all the external noise. Don’t you remember the times when you had a gut instinct – but didn’t follow it – and later you said – I knew it! Learn to trust your own personal integrity. Act out of your personal integrity.

Point number three: LIVE. Live passionately. Don’t live someone else’s
life – live your life – out of your passion. Live out of your passion. Now if I was
not at Elmhurst College, I would worry that some of you might say – see Mom,
see Dad, the commencement speaker said to live my life – out of my passion –
and my passion is to sit on your couch and watch tv while you bring me pizza.
But since I am at Elmhurst College and I know the kind of students we have here
– I am sure no one here headed in that direction. I am not talking about taking
an excuse and calling it passion. I am talking about finding your core passion.

I went to high school in north Alabama and here’s how we would say it there –
we’d say – figure out what cranks your tractor. Find your passion and live your
passion. I’m sure you’ve heard people say – do what you love. They are right.
Know what you are passionate about and live out of that passion. Be willing to
take a risk. I like turtles – in order to move, they have to stick their neck out. So
don’t hide in your shell. Stick your neck out and live passionately. If you are
not able to name to yourself what your passion is, keep searching, it is in you
and you will find it – find YOUR passion.

When you live out of your passion, the juices flow and work ceases to be drudgery. Do you remember in that one special class during your experience here at Elmhurst (or maybe most of them) when the topic and your research and the conversation ignited something inside you. That is a hint about your passion. That is the core of a beautifully lived life.

Now for the last L. LOVE. Love each moment. Each moment. Enjoy the
time you have with family and friends today – just for what it is – a celebration of your accomplishments with family and friends. Don’t be the hurry up and wait
person. Take each moment and live it. That means not dwelling on the past
and that means not a continual focus on the future. It means – this is where I
am – right now! And I am going to be fully present. Don’t rush. You don’t have
to hurry up to the next thing. This is where you are – right now – today. Be
here. Enjoy it!

You, as the recession generation, have realized long before your parents’ generation realized that we do not have to have everything there is to
possess. That is good – and will help you love each moment of your life. You
recognize that not every person has had the choices and opportunities that you
have – and you appreciate the choices and opportunities you have been given
– loving each moment of life. And loving each moment of life does not mean
every single thing will be hunky-dory. Don’t expect to be perfect – because you
won’t be! Being fully present, loving each moment -- is messy. Life is not either
this or that. We live in a both-and world. Life is both good and hard. And in
recognizing that, we can love each moment of our lives.

So – Go out and have a BALL: BE fully alive; ACT out of your personal
integrity; LIVE passionately; and LOVE each moment of your life. You have a
leg up on having a ball because you are a part of the Elmhurst Experience. You –
each of you – are living examples of the capacity to fully realize human potential.

Go out and have a ball! Congratulations to you – the one and only Elmhurst
College class of 2011!