It's Time to Talk to the Teacher

As a young teacher, I never really questioned the purpose of parent-teacher conferences. I explained to parents the progress their child was making. Sometimes I gave tips on how the student could improve, or I enthusiastically praised the great progress a child was making. When I sat on the other side, as a parent, I listened to the teacher and asked a few questions. When I returned home, I was greeted by my children (OK, my daughter; my son didn’t really care) wondering what the teacher had said about them.

As my own children got to high school, however, I began to view conferences differently. If a child was struggling, why wasn’t the student there at the conference? After all, the child had the most to gain from participating in a discussion about her progress and what steps she might take to improve. And if the child was getting A’s, was it even necessary to go to the conference? Without the student participating, the conferences lost some of their impact.

As a principal, I saw the benefits of involving children in conferences at the upper elementary grades as well. There’s no rule that says that students can’t participate in a conference about their progress. In fact, who better to tell the parent about what he’s learned so far, and what he’s done well and still needs to improve upon, whether it’s academic or behavioral, than the student himself?

But it’s not always possible to include the child. Perhaps the parents want to have a private discussion with the teacher, or vice versa. Whether or not your child attends the conference, you can make the conference a meaningful one by preparing for your meeting.

Many teachers send home a note to parents asking them what they’d like to discuss at the conference. If your child’s teacher does this, please take the time to thoughtfully consider what’s most important to you and your child. Whether or not you have a form to complete, talk to your child about school—what she feels most successful with, and why; what she doesn’t like, and why. Ask your child what she’d like you to discuss with the teacher, and what topics she’d like you to avoid (that could be eye-opening!). If you don’t have a form to complete, e-mail the teacher and tell her what you’d like to discuss so that he or she can be prepared, too.

Ask your child what he'd like to get better in (math? science? reading? writing? physical education? art? music? history?) And then ask if he has some ideas as to what he could do to get better (perhaps more practice time? a chance to review instruction with a peer, the teacher, or you?)

Teachers will focus on trends and data that point to growth and learning. You won't need to talk about state or national test scores unless all the scores taken together indicate some issues. And be sure to ask about social concerns if that is something that’s bothering your child.

Parent-teacher conferences fall after the first marking period, making this a perfect time for students to reflect on their progress and set a goal for the next marking period. Teachers will have insight as to what might be good goal areas. I’m a firm believer in setting goals for learning—goals that the child has some input on; goals that can be attained (you can always set another goal once the first one has been met); goals that a student can mark progress toward.

The ideal conference results in a plan for improvement, even if a child is performing optimally. One of the greatest disservices we do for children who are high achievers is tell them they’re doing great without giving them something to work on and to struggle with.

After the conference, perhaps your child will have a goal to work towards, with specifics listed as to what she can do to reach it. Maybe he (or she) will have a plan for behavior that will help him interact more positively. Maybe his focus will be improving attendance or arriving at school on time or completing work. Maybe the goal will be for the student to become more involved in extracurriculars, or to take more of a leadership role with peers. We all know that no one is perfect, which allows all of us to set goals to improve some aspect of our lives. Just remember that the goal should be something that the child can meet so he experiences success.

Even though it’s called a “parent-teacher” conference, the spotlight is on the student. It makes a big difference if all three parties are involved, so be sure to include your child in your preparations regardless of whether he attends the conference. A child who has input (particularly in goal-setting) will be more likely to put forth the effort needed to make changes.