Best of Craigslist: 'Phallic' Landscaping Stone; Clown Wanted for Hangout

The following items and postings were found on Craigslist for the Elmhurst, Wheaton and Glen Ellyn area. Note: Patch has no control over the status of these posts on Craigslist and how long they remain available.

“Phallic” Landscaping Stone 

I can’t help but wonder who was the home owner who “specifically [chose]” this “center piece… due to its unique shape as a phallus.” Really? That’s what you want in the heart of your rock garden? To be honest, I don’t even really see it. (It’s kind of… roundish.) But if you also have some sort of odd Freudian thing going on, you can get it for $50 from a Lombard seller.

Clown Wanted for Hangout

Someone in Lombard is looking to hire a clown. Not to entertain kids, but to “come hang out, drink a beer, some food, talk to people, maybe creep my friends out a bit.” I repeat: this dude just wants to have a clown come stand around at his kegger. Not a bad gig for the Pennywise crowd. Though apparently you have to like dogs. 

$18,000 1927 Grand Piano

“This is a really beautiful piano,” this Wheaton seller insists, which it had better be for costing more than the two-person poverty line for annual salary. It’s a 1927 Mason & Hamlin grand rebuilt in 2003, and even to my untrained eye, it looks quite exquisite. It won’t make my plinky second-grade renditions of “The Entertainer” any better, but any virtuosos with deep pockets can pick it up for $17,700.

Metallica Action Figure Set 

Become the Master of Puppets—well, the Master of Action Figures—with these plastic molds of James, Kirk, Jason and Lars, back from the days when Jason was around and James and Lars still had hair, and Metallica actually made good music (oops.) Comes with working lights and sound, out of Elmhurst for $135.

Kid-Rideable Animatronic Triceratops 

The moment any toddler finds out about dinosaurs, their first fantasy is of riding one—here’s your chance to give that to your kid with a Playskool Kota My Triceratops Dinosaur, $125 out of Wheaton. It moves its head, mouth and tail, plays music, and generally delights anyone under 60 lbs. She can be Cera, or Baby Bop or any other cartoon Triceratops your kid loves. 

Hardwood Nunchaku 

It is seriously advisable to know what you are doing before toying around with nunchaku, a name I prefer to “nunchucks,” because that always gives me a mental image of Sister Margaret being sent sailing through the air. If you do know your business, however, and can use them responsibly, this nice set of hardwood nunchaku are available for $12 from a Glen Ellyn seller.

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