Best of Craigslist: Casting 'Smug' Jesus; Get Some Free Rocks

The following items and postings were found on Craigslist for the Elmhurst, Wheaton and Glen Ellyn area. Note: Patch has no control over the status of these posts on Craigslist and how long they remain available.

Casting 'Smug' Jesus (No Disrespect)

A Wheaton-based film crew is trying to find Jesus. Well, a Jesus for their movie, anyway. They're looking for a Son of God who is a "smug, New Age-ish hippie... born on third base and thought he hit a triple." Well, that seems slightly controversial? Never fear: "Jesus is not depicted as a negative character; no disrespect intended to the Christian or any other faith," the post says. In any case, they're looking for a 25-40-year-old actor to start filming in May.

Buy a Mexican Restaurant

"Se vende restaurante Mexicano en Lombard," this post declares, which my lapsed high-school Spanish tells me they're selling the joint. I can't tell exactly which restaurant it is, but it's a 1500-sq. ft. place in Lombard "equipped with top-of-the-line equipment" where "business is steady." Going for $72,000... or you could just buy a few thousand burritos.

Doing My Court-Ordered Service

Mariusz from Elmhurst apparently messed up, but he's making good on his court-ordered 24 hours of community service and is looking for a place to help out. He says he has carpentry skills, plus a pickup truck and van. Sounds like he's trying to get it back together and might be useful; someone please contact this fellow if he could assist your service!

Want to Propose; Can I Work for You?

And sticking with the theme of someone looking to help out, this Wheaton College senior is seeking random jobs for a very noble purpose: he wants to propose to his girlfriend! Aww, how sweet. Like Mariusz, he has a truck, and he's "a varsity athlete and in very good physical condition." Unlike the fellow above, he needs pay. Engagement rings aren't given out for sweat alone. Hit him up if you have odd jobs that need doing!

I Got a Rock (Well, Several)

"Free rocks." Yep. 3/4-inch limestone, left over in a Wheaton driveway after filling a crawl space. One cubic yard. Free! Just take them away from this guy; he does not need these rocks anymore!

Selling My Egg Cartons

Rocks may be free, but 56 egg cartons are going to cost you $10. There are actually probably plenty of uses for egg cartons (one from my childhood: fill them with dryer lint and wax for amazing firestarters!), but... well, fifty-six? Hey, four are styrofoam, and one's an 18-pack... What? They're egg cartons. Want 'em? $10. Why not?

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