It’s the time of the year for portrait sittings. My daughter’s school picture has already been purchased, taken, and received. In that order. I hate having to commit to buying it before I see it. I’ve learned by now to always go for the bottom-of-the-line $14 package of a class photo and eight wallets. And I could still wallpaper a small bathroom with the leftover wallets that I’ve collected.School pictures really have no chance of turning out well, for the obvious reason that I am not present for them. See, I’m kind of a crazed-lunatic-stage-mom about portrait sittings. Think Toddlers & …

Hoarding seems to be all the rage these days. I wonder what it is about this moment in history that has brought out this particular brand of crazy in the human race. I suppose some will try to make the case, as they frequently do with autism, that this disorder has always been around and has just now been given a fancy label.To which I say what I always say: I sure don’t remember being around tons of people like this when I was growing up, to the point where I said to myself, “There really oughta be a name for that.” But these days, you can’t hardly swing a dead cat without hitting someone …

When I was a kid, I used to go to a lot of those backyard carnivals to benefit Jerry’s Kids. Do they still have those? I think you used to request a kit from the Muscular Dystrophy Association and they’d send you a booklet of ideas, some posters, a Tilt-A-Whirl, two bearded ladies and a syphilitic roustabout. I never hosted one myself so I could be wrong on some of that.Anyway, I remember one in particular that had a fortune teller’s tent. I went in and a little girl in a genie costume read me a prefab fortune off of a sheet of paper. Upon leaving the tent, I proceeded to mercilessly mock and…

I was 40 years old when I had my one and only child.  Yes, I’m one of those older parents.  This has been on my mind because I have my 30th high school reunion coming up in a few weeks, and I will be one of the few with a child as young as seven.  I know for a fact that more than a few of my former classmates are already grandparents.  So I’m bracing for a lot of the thank-God-mine-are-grown-I-can’t-imagine-still-having-little-ones-running-around-so-glad-I’m-done-with-that attitude. To which I will smile and picture them changing stinky diapers and wiping snotty noses in their 20’s and 30’s …

The “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster that was issued by the British government during the early days of World War II has recently re-emerged as a popular image, presumably as words to live by in our current climate of global unrest and economic instability. It has spawned dozens of variations, including the fitting companion piece “Now Panic and Freak Out,” as well as wacky knockoffs like “Stay Flaky and Eat Cake”, “Drink Lots and Pass Out”, and “Insult Family and Leave in a Huff”. Coincidentally, those last three taken together describe every get-together of my family for the last 40 years. I…

My 7-year-old daughter has autism and is my only child, so I’m not very in tune with the typical ages and stages of childhood development. I know that there is a phase in there somewhere when a child is constantly asking his parents to label anything and everything.  “Whazzat?” or just “Zat?” they say as they point their chubby little finger at the giant dust bunny that is stuck to the Velcro of their shoe. “That, my love, is some homespun Irish lace that Mommy made just for you.”  Who needs them knowing terminology that they could later humiliate you with?  I’m looking at you, parents who …

It seems that every generation has an image or design that becomes a part of pop culture and makes its way onto clothing, home furnishings, everyday objects, and all manner of tchotchke. In the 70s, it was peace signs, smiley faces, and the Love Story “LOVE” design. In the 80s, I can remember that everything my high school BFF owned had to have either strawberries or rainbows on it. After that, I sort of lost track. Hearts? Butterflies?   It seems to my cynical soul that everything became more media-influenced and dominated by Disney and other cartoon characters. I can remember my oldest …